By Faizah Jaafar
Body shaming or fat shaming is a huge issue anywhere in the world. It may start as a joke, but the bully is often unaware of the impact the words have on the victim. I can’t help but feel compelled to share my experience of being bullied by my own boss. I now have moved to another company so I will address the bully as my ex-boss.
My ex-boss was a narcissist
My exboss was very orthodox, he prefers everyone to worship him, say yes to everything he asks. I was 92kg when I was there. While I had no problem in terms of work related matters, I was often being called names such as badak, gajah and the likes. I feared being discriminated for my bonuses etc so I kept quiet. But I was hurting inside. My colleagues sympathized with me but none of them had the courage to say anything. Neither did I.
One time, he bought KFC for the whole department, using the money we had won for teamwork at a company event. he called everyone to the meeting room to eat together. Everyone got a box of KFC, except me. I asked, where’s my kfc? He said, ‘ko tak payah makan. Ko dah gemuk. Biar badan ko bakar lemak ko yg terlebih tu.’
I was humiliated. I walked out and cried in the toilet.
“Ko tak payah berangan la”
There were a lot of other instances where he said things like one time, I was complimenting a colleague’s dress, my exboss overheard us and he said to me, ‘ko tak payah berangan la nak pakai baju cantik2, badan ko dah gemuk mmg pakai apa pon buruk.’ I told him, ok la saya diet la (while smiling) to which he replied, ‘alah kalau dah gemuk mcm ni sampai mati pon ko gemuk. Takut kang masuk kubur pon kena pakai buldozer sebab org tak larat angkat’.
That was it. I joined a group of strict dieter, I paid about RM 300+ for that, we counted calories, ate only natural foods, no processed food at all and I managed to lose 20kg in a few months. For that few months, I detached myself from my ex-boss and only ate my bekal. Being in an event department, we had to eat out a lot but i still bring my bekal and will open my bekal at the table while they all eat the hotel food. Whenever he offered any food, I would just say that I’m on a diet. He would then replied many sorts of hurtful replies but I just kept quiet. I was so determined to prove my ex-boss wrong.
All his hurtful comments became my fuel to be stronger and fitter.
True enough, everybody started noticing the difference and that made my ex-boss annoyed. I was shunned by him. He avoided me at all costs. (honestly, a relief as I don’t have to deal with his BS). I was no longer called for after-hours meetings and whatnot. (He’s a single dad with no kids at home so he had a lootttt of time to annoy people).
New job & new beginnings
Finally, I managed to secure a better job at a better company, with more than 50% pay rise. FYI, my ex-boss didn’t even say goodbye, he took a day off on my last day of work.. Which was ok. The way I see it, this bullying, while very hurtful, and has caused me many many sleepless and tearful nights, they are also a huge motivation for me to change my life. When my life changed, I became more confident. When I am more confident, people can sense and see it. Everything becomes easier.
It’s true when they say that your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself. Love yourself first.
Stand up for yourself!
If I can offer advice to anyone who is going thru this, be firm. As Kevin said, tell the bully off. Don’t wait like me. Be very professional, firm and tell the bully that it is not acceptable to say whatever they are saying. Then you work on yourself. Surround yourself with positive people. Don’t even gossip about the bully with your friends because that will also drag you down. My style, when I’m hurt, I go into the surau and do pushups. 🙂
Bukan Soal Kurus!
What I love about Kevin Zahri’s program is the support system. We surround ourselves with like-minded people, we discuss how to challenge ourselves and how we can constantly improve. This is your life. Ditch things that are bad for you and start taking charge of your life. At the end of the day, whether you think you can or not, you are right!
Stay strong! be happy!
Yours sincerely,
Faizah Jaafar